Suzi - our beloved sweetheart

Our loving dog, family member , Suzi passess away..  Sad, hurtful, grief, ...

What i realized after her passing away is that it not about the object person or animal, its what it means to us.  what sentiments did it espouse,  Suzi for me was love, unbridled love and excitement which she expressed.

Allahabad, Ambala, Dehradun, Bhatinda, and then finally Lucknow, where she rests. I remember us going in the Car for some reason.... her irritating habit of  sneaking out in the open as soon as the car door opened, her habit of barking on every other dog on the street.

She meant more to my parents, my mom will really miss her i am sure...

Your Memories will be cherished SUZI!!  

SO we have another weekend where its been spent on  drinking........i don't mind it ...but can it be regulated......can it be spread over a few days......and its become difficult balancing it with my pizza eating  appetite suddenly........BALANCE!!!!

Applause-Recogntion.

So Khusbhu-my co joinee gets a rookie award, and rest of the joiners in other teams as well......does that mean i will question my ability......Nah.....I m Not!!!!....But i would be lieing if i said it did not hurt.....it hurts.......what are the reasons which i think i did not get.........cant think to much...i need to keep my wits about it....its nothing to high funda...........just need to keep my wits about it...int he end even though i desire it...i know its fleeting ...so i need to keep  being as honest with my self.... and keep doing it inch by inch...step by step.......and every time i have these moments of questioning my worth i keep remembering Anu bhai.... speaking to him  about how i can be the best of what i can be.....and trying to find a bit more about my self is .....or to jut plain interact with people who have achieved something in life..........I keep moving forward..how much can u take and keep moving forward..."RESILIENCE".

lightening Speed

Got up @ 4 in the morning somehow to get the work done. But as i was about to ping  the client i wondered..wound not i have to wait or the whole day to get the email processed...or at least a major part o the day....so y the hell should i wake up at 4 and do it will do it around 6 when. i have at least slept a little better.

and now that i wana sleep  the screen o my ind has become a picture screeen showing snippets or atleqast create a eel  that i am in some motion drama esp the gory ones, wch i have long stoped watching.. makes u cringe and queasy.......damn......how about some good sound sleep....a man requires rest to work hard  people...

SLEEP....can i have some please??

Yes i am concerned about my brother.......i can sense can imagine the kind of pressure he must be in.......i know i was under a lot of pressure at that point of time.....i was studying a course which i was not sure if i wanted to do it.......i was in a relationship which should have ended a long time back....i was not very communicative with me family....and all that came out on Vishal...........and now i want reach out to  him.... give him some confidence....but it has to be done in a way which is to be proper...his  emotional health ..... gauge how is he there.....he is not picking up my calls.......there is need not to instruct him him and give him commands  to d this or do that...but a need to illustrate him by a way of story ...my own experience ..and how there is a way to do what u want to do.....help him out there.....how do i talk to him?......how do i explain it to him?  ..which would connect with him...which he would understand......and help him out of his situation..........and because in the space he is in right now...there could be a possibility that an out side person as well as the individual it self may not be ale to understand and know what he truly needs or desires.

I have understood my need  to talk to him...to give him the best chance from my side to help him out......to understand me ..he is my brother...and there have been a lot of side effects of my thinking and happening on him.....i see him not full filling his potential.....something which i have had strong feeling about ....not be able to full fill or own potential....itd not about the studies...it about it....it may take time..but it will happen ... Patience is the key!!!!